Rant and Rave

I beg of you:

1. Servers make 2.13 an hour. Your tip is their wage. Remember this. (This just in: 10% is not a good tip).

2. Try to ask for things all at once. Don't wait for your server to return from the kitchen to decide you too would like a side of ranch, and a wet nap, and a cup of ice, and a to go box, and for me to sterilize your child's pacifier. We understand forgetfulness, but 6 times in a row is a little much.

3. Don't order lemon in your drink. Studies show that they are laced with high amounts of fecal matter, urine, dirt, and bacteria.

4. We sell lemonade. Do not ask for a bowl of lemons and more splenda. That's stealing.

5. If you ordered water, drink your water. Do not guzzle your girlfriend's diet coke every time I turn around. I'm on to you, you cheapskate.

6. The correct response to "How are you doing tonight?!" is not "sweet tea and chips and salsa." We also don't appreciate "Hi! My name is Je..." (interruption) "six waters and we're ready to order"

7. Sunday lunch crowd: Do you know that the most dreaded shift of the week is a post-church lunch shift? Step it up. If you can't show the love of Christ after being engulfed in it for 2 hours, then who can?

8. If you are not ready to order, say you need a couple more minutes. Do not make the server stand there for 8 minutes while you contemplate the country fried steak or guiltless chicken platter.

9. Try to pay attention. (Scenario: I am refilling all the drinks at the table)

Father: Can we get more chips and salsa?
Me: Absolutely
Mother: (1 second later, still refilling drink) We need more chips and salsa
Me: Yes ma'am, I'll go and grab them as soon as I...(interrupted)
Son: Waitress, we need salsa.
Me: (ugh)

10. It's endearing when your 15-month-old throws his tow truck and crayon on the ground. But your beverage, his pizza, and every coaster, straw, napkin, and fork on the table... not so endearing.

11. Waiting tables does not mean you are lazy or dumb. It might not be my "real job," but I found a way to make $500 working 15 hours a week. Can you do that?

12. When you have a full alcoholic beverage and you're ready to leave. Do not ask for a to go cup for your "water." I am not stupid.

13. When you're glass it 85% full, don't snap at me for more coke. You have enough.

14. Don't try to set me up with your male children ages 18-35. Can you see my wedding ring?

15. If I have 5 dirty plates in each hand, it's probably not a good idea to hand me your awkwardly stacked dishes. Do you want a catastrophe?

16. If you stiff me and then come back to Chili's and sit in my section, be prepared for bad things to happen.

17. Unless you have chopped off your finger with your steak knife, do not interrupt me when I am talking to another table. Your need for a side of ranch can wait 15 more seconds.

So maybe I had a bad night at work. Maybe I'm a little bitter.
Honestly, just be nice to me and treat me like a human.
I promise you'll have an excellent Chili's dining experience if you do.

Love,
Jenae the Disgruntled Server