On Comparison

Sometimes I really wish I didn't have the internet.  Mostly because the amount of time I waste on it.  But secondly because it makes me feel discontented, and I hate that feeling.  i'm not thin enough, i don't read my bible enough, my job isn't meaningful, i'm already 24 and i don't have children yet, (or the opposite) i'm 24 and too young to be married, my furniture is mismatched, i can't sew to save my life, we don't go on fun excursions every weekend, we wouldn't dare do something spontaneous during the week, i'm not the queen of meal-planning, my apartment is small and yet we can barely keep it tidy, we don't own a home, we don't drive the nicest cars, i have a $0 clothing budget, we live (and will continue to live) paycheck to paycheck until we finish school, taking a vacation is nearly impossible for us, even visiting family is nearly impossible for us, and the list goes on and on.

I never used to feel this way.  In fact early on in our relationship Chris said, "you don't really care about things, do you?"  I had never really given it much thought.  I was happy to have an apartment to live it; I didn't care that it had slavery-inspired wallpaper and a ladybug infestation.  I was happy to have a car to drive; who cares that it was older than I was. 

I want to live my life happily, basing it not on things, but on the people I love, and those who love me.  I want to give myself more credit than I do.  I want to weigh my own talents and desires in respects to me, my stage of life, my goals, my future, not on someone else's scale.  This is what I want.

I read this today, and this excerpt (which is designed for kids, mind you) spurred this whole word vomit.

“Stop comparing yourself to other people. When you compare yourself to others, you end up either feeling that you’re better than they are, or feeling bad about yourself. Neither of those things is what I want for you.

I created each of My children with unique talents. And I have given each of you your own road to follow. So it is useless to compare yourself to someone else – that person has a completely different path to follow.

When you want to feel good about yourself, remember how much I love you. Remember that I made you just the way I want you to be. And remember that I died so you could have My salvation. You are a jewel in My crown.”

So nice to hear.  And I'll give myself a few years to master it too.  Then, one day I can pass this nugget of wisdom down to my super insecure frizzy headed cross eyed nerdy daughter and/or uncoordinated pokeman playing goodwill wearing debate team captain four-eyed son.  And, they too, can find content in being part of God's big plan, to which there really is no comparion.